Tuesday
went to pay respects to my ah ma
it was her death anniversary
the hurt of losing her a few years came back to me
sadnest overwhelmed me
however i managed to control it n didn't show it
lunched with amily
n papa brought us to the temple at sengkang
prayed hard for health for my family
prayed hard for health n studies for dar n his future
reached home tired n dead
chatted on msn with kel
tired the whole day
but didn't confide to anybody my sadness abt ah ma
coz she's still the closest family member to me
the one that took the place of a mother
end of the day
heart feels cold
empty hurt shattered
a discussion ended up in a heated arguement tat i nv expected
didn't sleep the wholenight
tossing n turning in bed
debating whether to pick my phone everytime it rang to read the words inside
unknwing how long i debated
i picked up n only more n more hurt i felt
until 6am
the coldness in my heart suddenly made me devoid of all emotions
tat's wat people called heart dead?

Today
got out of bed at 1pm
after the tossing n turning the entire night
thinking back
i can't rmb wat i did
did i even ate my meals?
did i even talk to papa n jie?
yes i did
but less that 10sentences
i seriously dunno wat i'm thinking n wat's wrong with me now
a cold heart?